Sunday, 31 August 2014

10 Rules Every Nigerian Must Take Seriously When It Comes To Respect


So while I was just discussing with my friends on how we (Nigerians) take culture and tradition too seriously in Nigeria and how respect is killing us. I came up with these crazy rules we have been brainwashed with. 

 They may look impossible but trust me when I say it is the real thing.

 I call them the 10 rules every Nigerian must take seriously when it comes to respect.

#1 You Must Lie Flat on Your Stomach When You Are Greeting an Elder:  This is peculiar to a particular tribe in Nigeria. You can’t just say “Hi”, or “good morning”. You must prostrate. If you don’t prostrate, the gods will be so pissed that they may strike you dead. I’m sure you don’t want that to happen, do you?

#2 Do not ever call an elderly person by name: An elder in this case doesn’t necessarily have to be 20 yrs older than you are. Even if it is just by 2 days, he/ she are an elder. It is therefore a taboo to call them by name because you were not there during their naming ceremony. If you do so, you will not have children on your own.

#3 You Must put a title before their names: If the “elder” is not old enough to be your parent, you may put the title brother/ sister before his/her name. And it doesn’t matter if you are family or not. After all we are one.

#4 You must refer to them as Daddy or mummy if they are old enough to be your parents: It is a crime to call these set of elders, Mr. or Mrs. You must call them mummy and daddy (and it doesn’t add up if you are related or not). Your pastors are not left out too… if you want to make it to heaven.

#5 Nod your head and say yes…. All the time: Our elders are always right and they always have a story to back shit up. After all “you can never have as many rags as an elder” so when they tell you something, no matter how shitty, just nod your head in agreement and say “Yes Daddy/Mummy

#6 Do Not Talk Back Even When they ask you a question: This one is crucial, just assume all questions asked by your parents or an elder is rhetorical. Do not talk back. What is it that you want to tell them that they don’t already know? They are wiser than you are. Is it because you have a twitter account or a facebook account or because you are now on BBM? Ehn?

#7 Do not look into their eyes… never: When an elder is talking to you, you must keep your head low. If you are confused just stare at your feet and imagine how beautiful they are. You must never look up especially into their eyes. You might go blind if you do. #SeriousTalk

#8 Do not eat on the same table with an elder:  so you must always chill until an elder have finished eating before you eat on the dining table. And if you are that hungry, you may sit on the floor to eat or eat in the bathroom…. Anywhere else except that same table. You have been warned.

#9 When two elders are talking, do not interrupt… never ever: When you see two elders talking shit, do not interrupt. What you want to say can wait except maybe the house is on fire… no! Wait a minute that can also wait- it can never be as important as what they are talking about.

#10 These rules must be taken seriously if….: You want to live long, or you want your kids to respect you. These rules must be taken seriously if you want to make it to heaven.
These were the things most of us faced while growing up when it comes to showing respect. And it is arguably one of the reasons why the system is fucked.


Feel free to add your own rules and share your experiences. And don’t be scared to share this article...

Sadiq Daniel is a crazy writer and Teens Coach that blogs on business, Self- development and his country’s bullshit. He is currently working on his latest book: Everyone Thinks I’m Crazy, Slated to be out by February 2015. You can pursue him on Twitter: @sadiqspeaks LinkedIn: Sadiq Daniel and Email: Sadiqdaniel@gmail.com

Saturday, 12 July 2014

How To Make Your Shit Stink Better





Disclaimer: This is a shitty article. As in it has a lot of shit in it - good shit though. But never worry, the censored version will be available in like.....NEVER! Since you read this shit already, you can as well digest the rest shit we've got to offer.... So let's get SHIT started.

In the Beginning:

We are all made in the image of the creator. He created things and gave us potentials to be able to create and make things happen. And this explains the reason why 70% (No research done) of the things we make use of, were created by us.

In other words, we are all created to make shit happen. The most important people on earth are those that make shit happen. I mentioned that in http
://tinyurl.com/q5pyjqc .So those that don't make any shit at all consume whatever shit is made available... Even the shit they don't like because they are too scared/Lazy to make shit happen.

If you are not making any shit or you haven't thought about doing shit, I'd advise that you take a second thought.

This article is for those that wants to make shit but don't know to go about it and those have been making shit but no one has ever eaten seen their shit.


1) Think SHIT:

This is one rudiment of shit making that you must take seriously...  You see, we are all born creative and that's the reason why while we were young, we were all handed crayons and pencils. And we made magic with those items. But as we grew, things changed, we were influenced by those before us. So that part of us gradually disappeared... Many ended up consuming shit made by others.
So for us to be able to make any shit whatsoever, we need to re-orientate ourselves. Change the way we see things. Delete that mindset that shit making is for only special people. Think about how to make shit you are consuming differently. Don't worry about the resources you need to make shit yet. Ask shitty questions like.... "Can't I have lunch delivered to my office when I want it and without extra charges?"  Just think shit!


2) Plan SHIT:

So you are tired of the shit available and you've thought about how that shit could be done differently. Now you have to write that shit down and map out a plan of how you intend making that shit happen.

*Research the market:
*Check out things you need to make that shit happen

*Create a game plan on how to get these resources


3) Have Sex with SHIT makers

Wait! What I'm trying to say is that you should get close- very close to those that are making shit, especially those that are making/made the kind of shit you intend making.

First you need to identify the right shit makers. Not all shit makers are successful. Research the ones that are doing shit rightly. Find out how they did it... The challenges they faced, how they got the resources they needed, their selling point... Stalk them, Play golf with them. Do whatever it takes to get what you need from them.


4) SHIT THE SHIT

There is no point going through the processes above if you won't event make shit happen. Now you have to shit that shit. Launch that idea, Build that App you've always wanted to build, Write that book you've always wanted to write. This is the point where the real shit makers are made. Some people after planning shit and all, they don't work towards it. Because they are scared about what people would think. They are afraid of making mistakes. They don't want people to call them Crazy because they have never seen anything like your shit. But ironically a person calling your shit Crazy is what makes your shit special. So get up and shit that shit... Make mistakes, you'd learn from them.


 5) Make noise about your SHIT:
Some shit are very good - shit that is better than all the shit we have out there. But we don't give a single fuck about these kinds of shit, because we haven't seen their shit anywhere. This happens a lot. No matter how good your shit is, we'd never know unless you tell us about it.
Tell people about you shit. Thanks to the internet, you don't need to spend millions (if your shit is crazy enough) before people get to know about your shit.
You should also network with crazy shit makers too. Networking is important - if you ever want to get the best out of whatever thing you are doing.

Attend events where you know you might meet potential investors. Leverage business networks across the internet. Just make noise about that crazy shit of yours... Don't stop. Make Noise till they can hear you in Mars.


BONUS POINT:  Don't Stop Making SHIT!

The main reason why people don't want to make shit is because shit is hard. Shit making is not sexy at all. Only few shit makers make it. But nothing can be compared to making shit.
So when you’re sure you want to make shit and you've started making shit happen, don’t STOP... Keep shitting that shit. No amount of shit is enough for you to stop.

When you make shit continuously, you get better... Your shit stinks better, you eventually put your shit right on top of every other shit because your shit is consistent.

Let us make shit happen... And a lot of it!

Good luck on your quest to making shit happen. I'd really love to know the kind of shit you are making or the one you've always had in mind.

Be Sociable... Share this shit by clicking the share button below.



Sadiq Daniel is a Shit Maker and Teens Coach that blogs on business, Self- development and his country’s bullshit. He is currently working on his latest book: Everyone Thinks I’m Crazy, Slated to be out by February 2015. You can pursue him on Twitter: @sadiqspeaks LinkedIn: Sadiq Daniel and Email: Sadiqdaniel@gmail.com

Thursday, 10 July 2014

A very short article on shit making



Shit making is the act of making shit happen (obviously). But for one to be classed as a successful shit-maker, he/she must be crazy- super creative.

Although shit makers have one thing in common; creating things. But they are different in their own ways. And I think it will be cool to know what category you belong.

For the sake of virgins reading this article, I won’t dish out all my craziness. So I promise there won’t be no more shit talk (we’d replace it with something cool).

Some people make shit (oops! I guess I couldn’t find something as cool as the word shit. Please beer bear with me).

So;

Some people make shit… because everybody else is making shit.

Some make shit… because they have to make shit.

Some make shit… because they need to make shit.


The last group of shit-makers is the best and this is why;

They make shit because they are not satisfied with the kind of shit available. They think and know they can shit better shit.

These are dudes that people call crazy. Because their shit is different from all other shit people have been packing…

These guys strive and hustle… consistently, even when nobody is willing to invest in their idea.

They keep writing even when people don’t comment on their articles.

They keep talking even when no one seems to give a fuck about them.

They don’t get discouraged by cynics. Because they know shit is not sexy.

They keep shitting even when nobody is ready to pack their shit.

They work hard to make their shit stink better each day.

Because they can see their shit happen before they even shit it out. Because they believe one day… one day people won’t have a choice but embrace their shit.

Very few of us fall into this group of shit-makers. #Crazy

P.S: Please support this shitty article by sharing with at least one person. You can use the share button below.

P.P.S: I’d love to know the kind of shit you’re currently working on and what you think about this article.


Sadiq Daniel is a Shit Maker and Teens Coach that blogs on business, Self- development and his country’s bullshit. He is currently working on his latest book: Everyone Thinks I’m Crazy, Slated to be out by February 2015. You can pursue him on Twitter: @sadiqspeaks LinkedIn: Sadiq Daniel and Email: Sadiqdaniel@gmail.com

HAPPY


I am officially in my mid 20’s and I still can’t ride a bicycle… I am a bad cook (I can only boil water but can’t make shit happen)… I can’t write “G” the right way after years of practice…. I still suck at mathematics… I still suck at playing football – I just couldn’t fit into any position… I still don’t have a single investor for my start-up after all the effort I had put into getting one…

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<BUT>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I am HAPPY… no matter how bad a cook I am, my family still loves me. Some people still respect my person. I still make people around me feel special… no matter how bad I am at mathematics; I found “X” eventually, and that counts as something. I am still in business and I know I’d hit that Crazy investor that’ll invest in my crazy idea.
So I found "X"

The whole point is- I am Happy. And there is nothing like it. I also think it is the best thing anyone can ever be in life.

HAPPY is never sick
HAPPY is never poor
HAPPY is not a terrorist
HAPPY is not a cynic
HAPPY is not a racist.
HAPPY is Crazy
HAPPY is weird
HAPPY is giving when you don’t have
HAPPY is …………………

As weird as it may sound, this article is not about happiness. It is about gratitude. Happy is never Happy without gratitude.

The ability to see good in everything- even things that appear to be bad, makes you qualified to be HAPPY.

A life without happiness is like a Ferrari without fuel in it…

You deserve to be HAPPY.  Even when there is nothing to smile about, fake a smile!

Be Happy! There is nothing like it


HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME.

P.S: I want to say a big thank you to everyone that sent me birthday wishes, especially my Ma- she surprised me yesterday. you guys are awesome.

P.P.S: this how i looked like while i wrote this article yesterday....

Sunday, 15 June 2014

NOISE-MAKERS ARE THE SEXIEST PEOPLE ALIVE!


One thing I think needs to be scrapped in our schools is the legendary “Noise-makers lists”... here are my reasons for saying that:

It makes no sense
It makes no sense
It makes no sense

For Non-Nigerians/some aliens living among us; The “Noise-makers list” A.K.A “Names of Noise makers”, is a list that was invented by school teachers to ensure that their pupils/students maintain orderliness.

This is how it works: Every class (in a school) has a captain. So the teacher instructs the captain to write down the names of pupils/students that utters a word in his/her absence. So when the teacher gets back, he/she calls out the names of the pupils/students on the list and punishes/whips them with cane.

In order words, if you don’t want to be punished by these teachers, you have to try your possible best not to have your name on that list- Even if all it takes is “duct-tapping” your mouth or cutting out your tongue or anything, because the teacher’s punishment is grave than hell itself.

I guess we are all on the same page now.

While I was in primary and secondary school, I tried all my possible best not to have my name on that list. I succeeded except in some few cases.

By the time I left secondary school, I found it hard to ask my crush out on a date, I even found it hard to discuss with my parents on certain issues that are important to me… and so many things like that. And it went on and on and on….

 I was quiet because I had been taught that it was the right thing to do. I suffered in silence.

I became so ugly, and it got so bad that I became dumb eventually (because practically all my life up till that point, I didn’t really talk)…. It took a lot of casting of demons before I could talk again. And crazy work before I could make noise.

I have been making crazy noise ever since. And I don’t think I’d never stop making noise. I was fortunate to speak to some teenagers at a secondary school at Ogba, Lagos state last week because of my noise making skills. And funny enough, I taught them “How to Make More Noise”.

It took me almost a year to start making noise after so many years of trying so hard not to be in the “noise-makers” list. The whole process was difficult for me, but I was glad I did. And one thing I noticed was that when I started making noise, things changed for the positive and more importantly I became an angel more handsome.

Noise makers are sexy people; they tend to make the most difficult things look easy… Not because they are better than anybody else but because they are good noise makers.

Noise makers tend to get all the meat and leave the bones for the quiet ones. Most times the quiet ones might knows better than the ones making noises, but nobody seems to give a fuck  fufu about them.
So the quiet ones then start hating and cursing. In the process become ugly and sick and maybe…. Die in the process.

What I am trying to say is that, for us to be successful in life we have to put ourselves where people can see us. We have to make noise about what we can do.

 Don’t just sit at home swearing and cursing about how better you are than Stephen keshi as a coach, or….

Let people know you can make better cakes than the one they’ve ever tasted. Let them know you can sing better than Beyonce. Let your boss know that you can do it better than the alien dude that was assigned that task. Let them know you can play better than Messi….


Every successful person once told someone that knows someone that knows someone. They made noise. And they didn’t stop at making noise alone. They were consistent with it. Because they know that one day, someone out there will hear them…. This is the sole reason why I pledged to be consistent with my writing.

The key word is networking. There is no too much of it. You never can tell where you’d meet that crazy investor who would invest in your idea.

Bottom Line:

We need to re-orientate ourselves, tear that mental “Noise Makers list” in your head and start making noise. And if you have been making noise, make more noise. And if you have been making a lot of noise, try crazy noise making. Keep making all the noises available.

Good luck on your quest to becoming one of the sexiest people alive!

You can even start by sharing this article with at least one person….

Image 1 credit: Rare Method Blog;

Sadiq Daniel is a Noise maker that blogs on business, Self- development and his country’s bullshit. He is currently working on his latest book: Everyone Thinks I’m Crazy, Slated to be out by February 2015. You can pursue him on Twitter: @sadiqspeaksBB: 27621DB4 and Email: Sadiqdaniel@gmail.com








Saturday, 14 June 2014

SMART PEOPLE DON’T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOUR IDEA


4 years ago I had this idea I turned into an enterprise (crashed now though). And I needed investors- VCs to help me get it up. I was but a broke student. I didn’t know anyone apart from a few guys on LinkedIn; So I started researching VCs who could invest in my start up.

After spending a few days, I found someone. I was delighted because his CV was crazily awesome. I pitched my idea to him. Then he asked me for a business model. Huh? I didn’t even know what a business model meant. I just had this idea and I was passionate about it. I am an engineering student. I don’t know nothing about a business model. But he insisted. He told me if only he could see my business model; he might invest in my idea.

So I “googled” what a business model means. Read some books on business modeling and some other crazy stuff about business. I spent months preparing, coupled with help from some of my colleagues, I had a business model.

I sent him a copy of the business model, I even backed it up with black magic prayers and fasting.  But did he invest? No! He just gave me more excuses.

Luckily for me, I found another Angel. I was fully prepared for this one. Pitched him my idea, sent him a copy of my business model and business plan.  But guess what? He just simply told me to go fuck myself that I’m not an expert in that market. That he only invests in start-ups created by aliens experts.

I found more smart guys. Some said our market was too small. Some VCs said “they love the idea but that we need to do some more due diligence on the space.”
Some even asked us for a bunch of hard-to-get stuff- market research, traction metrics, and better proof of growth. Even when we got them this information, they still didn’t invest.

So I thought my idea was bad…. So I packed up.

Flash forward to present……

I am currently working on a new startup that needs seed investment. And I was about making the same mistake (I didn’t even know it was a mistake) when a friend told me how he got seed investors invest in his idea. He told me they didn’t ask for no traction metrics, or proof of growth or any of those crazy stuffs. And He wasn’t even an expert in that market. He just had this crazy idea, researched on the market, and developed a business plan and model.

I asked him how he did it. He said he didn’t go for smart guys. He went for people who could bet on him to succeed. His main investor is not even an expert in that market.

He referred me to some crazy VCs and I might just be getting a crazy investment for my crazy idea.

Bottom line

Smart people are looking for easy investment. So when they see a crazy idea, all they do is give you smart and nice feedbacks. “Oh we need traction metrics” “Oh this…Oh that”

A smart person can never invest in a crazy idea. They are scared to lose their money because they feel that idea has never been tested ok. So they don’t want to give a single fuck about any idea, once they know it is crazy.

It only takes the crazy ones to see any good in your crazy idea.

But when you get the same feedback consistently from different VCs…. You should really work on your idea. But if your feedback feels contradictory, then you may be able to pass it off as noise and realize that you haven’t found the right person yet.

Good luck on your search for a crazy investor.

 Sadiq Daniel is a Smart crazy entrepreneur that blogs on business, Self- development and his country’sbullshit. He is currently working on his latest book: Everyone Thinks I’m Crazy, Slated to be out by February 2015. You can pursue him on Twitter: @sadiqspeaks BB: 27621DB4 and Email: Sadiqdaniel@gmail.com for more crazy tips.